今天感觉好多了，只是晚上时间比较难熬；我记住了这几天比较好玩有趣的话题不然我怕当我们有机会聊天的时候我没有话题分享。
可是显然今天又在失望了，一切会好起来的对吗？我会更坚强的对吗？
每一次洗澡的时候情绪和感受都特别真实；我无数个猜想和期待我洗澡出来，你会不会站在前面拿着我想吃的东西跟我说对不起 我想要活泼的你回来好吗？
果然越多期望 失望就越多。
可是我很棒哦，心揪着的；可是我没有哭。
这一次，我除了宝爱淑荣稍微提起，我并没有跟任何人分享我这几天过得怎么样。不至于生不如死，但是每一次心痛都是如此真实。
忍一忍心就不会那么痛了对吗？
第二天，我把我自己关闭起来，因为我不忍心再让自己 满心欢喜把心掏出来接着得到冷漠和敷衍。
你今天升职加薪，午休时打了通电话给我；我内心真的很替你光荣和开心，这几个月的努力都被看见，打从心里为你感到开心。你说：我回来再跟你说细节。好，我期待。
今天迟点煮饭 所以你回来的时候我还在切菜，我问了你可以帮忙吗？我以为我们俩在同一个空间你可以告诉我你今天发生的事情，可是你没有。你带着耳机 愉快的洗菜和听歌；我站在旁边炒菜。
晚餐时候，我跟你说了声：恭喜你升职加薪。你说：谢谢，赶快吃吧。
我们继续了前天还没看完的 Harry Potter，你知道吗？上次和你看完第二部，我已经偷偷喜欢上 Harry Potter 的剧情，比起MCU 我很愿意和你一起看完。
可是啊，我刚才切菜的时候，辣椒的辣留在我的手掌；所以我一直在搓我的手掌，因为觉得不舒服。你却看得很入神一直跟我说剧情。
本来打算和你一起看完，可是我怕我忍不住所以转身洗了碗就进来房间了。
你知道吗？我越来越找不到你爱我的证据。可是这两天里我的眼泪一滴都没有留下来。
手上的辣痛，我可以暂时忘记我的心也在滴血。
你口口声声说你很爱我，你没有敷衍我；可是我找不到你任何想要努力的行动。
我反复问我自己，我们从什么时候变成这样？我不知道。
终于明白时间的残忍，因为他从来不会给你任何预告，只能逼你去接受。接受你生活中的好与坏。
Having bad days recently. Heartbreaking, getting used to the new mode of lifestyle.
Blank in my head, but I know that I'm just feeling sad. I wake up sad, don't feel like doing anything, Is that what we call 'breakup syndrome'?
I said a lot of bad words and discouraged phrases to myself recently. I am just feeling bad, I don't feel good, I feel like I'm a loser, a failure.
I thought I could just call someone up and talk about my problems, but when I wanted to do so, I just remember that everyone might just have their bad days and problems too! Who am I to complain and transfer my bad energy to the others?
Exhausted, not just physically, but mentally.
I want to be understood but I don't want to be at the same time; conflict.
Miserable; in a sense that I don't know should I keep my faith in the relationship or stop giving all I have?
just give all my hearts to every person I love, and I don't feel the same.
Being adult is hard; having someone beside you yet you feel so lonely is even harder.
The distance of two hearts is so far that I'm afraid I might lose you.
Dear Me,
It is always the hardest when you decided to take the first step. And I just want to let you know that I'm so proud of you all these while. The courage in you, that you would like to try and challenge yourself of learning conducting and flute and treat them so seriously. I do understand that you want to challenge and push yourself harder and harder, that's why you are always being so serious in your life. You study and practice hard because you know if you're not hardworking enough, you will fail yourself.
I would like you to know that, mental health is so important as well. I want you to talk more to me, be open, and have an intimate conversation just like what we are doing right now. Don't have to be shameful, there's nothing to be shameful about. Sometimes you fail you, but I know you're trying your best.
These past few weeks I could tell that you're exhausted. And you're worried about what will happen when school starts. Well, I do understand and don't worry. You have been gone through so many ups and downs, this final year I'm sure you can pull through. Enjoy your university life, enjoy friends, enjoy every stage of your life.
You're doing so good. Don't worry. Time will give you all the answers. What you need to do right now is, do what you can, strive for the best. I always have faith in you. Even it might seem like failures sometimes, I know you have tried your best. I love you and I want you to love yourself even more.
我又再次失控了，累计了太多失望，难过，委屈，生气和压力让我觉得很累。
越来越少陪我的时间，越来越少的沟通，越来越少的相处时间和越来越多的敷衍。
我问所以爱会消失对吗？我说：对。
心不累吗 成天都在在意自己控制不了的事情，期待一些明知道对方不会做也不可能去做的事情。
觉得自己很多时候都很孤独。
