釋放

煎熬了幾個月 心靈終于得到了釋放。

一直都捨不得放下 因爲我認爲堅持了那麽久的事情倘若就這樣放棄我真的會恨自己 我也天真的以爲衹要我一直堅持努力下去你會被我的行爲和決心感動到。

可是我不懂你。也不曉得這幾個月你是否有被感動又或者一點狗屁感覺都沒有

不過這也沒關係 因爲心碎許久的心終于都快要恢復 可以開始 MOVE ON

最終還是要感謝你 因爲一直以來我都不曾後悔遇見這麽完美的一個你，每一次想起你心裏都是甜滋滋 那些狼狽不堪的回憶我真的再也沒有勇氣撥開再來回首一次 因爲太苦太苦所以我覺得過去的就讓它隨風。

謝謝你讓我一直以來解不開的疑問都得到了最想要的答案，問問自己：真的是自己最想要的嗎？也許不是，但我很滿意。

昨天補習看見你雖然還是無比緊張和激動 但是再也沒有任何難過的成分。

也漸漸明白 喜歡一個人不應該是苦澀的，愛是應該快樂的。

倘若你也正在愛一個人愛得很苦 那你就學習把包袱放下吧 畢竟我們不是聖人我們沒有必要把愛一個人的所有責任往自己身上扛。

不愛自己的 就讓他走吧 留不住的人就算你死 對他來説你也就狗屁都不是。

你可以允許自己再任性最後一次 但是之後你必須讓自己也活得快樂一點。

把愛放到最原始的地方 因爲這是值得被祝福的。

喜歡一個不喜歡自己的人就好像死抓住一些接下來的幾輩子也不會屬於自己的東西，沒結果更沒意義。

我們 17 歲的時間還是算是足夠的 所以我都不急著去放下你，趁著自己還會在乎你的時候多看你幾眼因爲我怕衹要我一轉身 當初對你撕心裂肺的所有感覺都會化爲烏有。

答應過自己不再讓自己受傷害可是卻一直不聽話 一頭栽進去。

就像黃婉鈴小姐説過 ’ 俄扑火就是这样解的吧明知道对方连看也不看你一眼我们依然奋不顾身那样的挖个洞让自己陷进去很努力的挖每时每刻挖到偏体磷伤 然后越陷越深 当那天我们才发觉疼的时候看来那个洞已经像口井那么深 而洞里依然也只有自己一个 我们的他 或许连走过去洞口看一看也懒更别说就我们出来 然后你就自己在挖了那么深的洞之后 再很努力的想救自己起来 可是又心有不甘 一时救自己一时越陷越深 就那样每天徘徊在那样的情绪 大起大落 ‘。

對不起 又在不聽話偷偷喜歡上別人了。

對不起 又在不受控制 瘋狂的愛上別人了。

對不起 又在爲別人擔心了。

我知道你們都一直關注我的部落，一直看我靠背訴苦了幾個月。

很感激你們讓我知道其實還是有你們在閲讀我的部落 沒有什麽可以回報你們，所以我決定以後都要多靠背報答你們哈哈哈哈。

20 / 1 / 2015

Maybe it's time to face the problem and make a clever decision.

Too many things to ask you and tell you make me couldn't let go of it.

These months, I'm suffering. Too hard to face the problem.

If you know me well, I'm that kind don't like to face problems, I rather choose not to think about it so that I won't get hurt.

Well, I didn't sure where was my courage came from when I decided to text you.

Maybe the urge for sending you the text was too strong. LOL

I have hesitated for the whole afternoon and I was thinking like, OH GOSH WTF! I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT DOES HE REPLY ME. JUST SEND IT!!

And finally, I got what I want. GEEZ

What you did was really surprise me and here's something I realized and I want to say to you.

Of course you wouldn't know.

DEAR JOHN

Like what I've said, you're an awesome guy. It's perfect enough. Although we can't getting together but I'm pleased to know and fall in love with you.

You said you're not that type I want, ya, perhaps. And I know maybe this is the skill to refuse the love from a girl haha.

You don't know what I really want, but it doesn't matter anymore. 

 Maybe from the start, we are destined never be together.

I do really happy with my single life right now plus we are just students. 

Students are not encouraged to have a relationship.

You know why?

HOLY ZEUS, please refer my previous post. It's SUCK and I have promised to myself, I won't start a new relationship unless he has a totally different characteristics from my those lovely EX -boyfriends.

NOPE. NO AGAIN. I am tired. LOL

NOT going to mess my life anymore. I wish to have a peaceful life. ( wink ) maybe a little bit of romantic. XD

Hey guys, here are some advises to all of you especially for those who are suffering from loving someone that are not love you.

It's okay. Nothing to be shameful about. Love makes our lives more beautiful.

If you are loving someone now, C'mon, let's thank to our HOLY APHRODITE.

Thanks for making a lot of chances for letting us to meet the one we loved. Although that's gross, but I really want to thank you, sincerely.

Be grateful of what life gives you. Maybe you get nothing, but you'll definitely learn something from the past. 

One day if you look back those memories, you'll feel thankful because for those stupid, sad, miserable, happy and angry stuffs, you became a strong and more nicer guy.

Maybe they leave for no reason, maybe they betray us for reason, but finally you'll meet your true love, the one would not give up on us and keep supporting us until the end of our lives.

We all will meet someone one day, but before that, be well-prepared and be nice to everybody until we met our truly loved.

It's a new year, and it's the last year we stick around with each other. 

Laugh as loud as you can, crazy as fuck as you can and we're getting older. 

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

THANKS FOR BEING THERE ME WHEN I WAS MISERABLE AND EMOTIONAL.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

LOVED, VELENNA TEOH

TO JXXX

It's all about John and I'm still not get bored with this topic. Ya, as you can see, recently my posts are all about John. I know just a few people see ma blog and you guys won't spread my secrets out, right? ( wink )

Let's try to calm down our minds and be silent for one minute, think about the one you loved. Who's the first that pop out from your mind?

Ya, the first one must be family right, then the following one maybe is your friends or the one you miss the most.

I used to miss you all the time. Even when I'm busy, I'm paying a lot of attention when doing something but you just simply make me think about you as hell.

I do concern about you.

Have you eaten? How's your school life? Feel happy with your Chinese orchestra? Do you even miss the moment when we tuition along? 

Ya, what I've said to you was, ' maybe I shouldn't push you so hard, maybe you feel like nervous or what, but we still can be friend and trying to know each other right? '

As a friend I can text you right? 

Don't you feel a little bit of touched? Kinda of sweet feeling rose from your heart?

NO. YOU DON'T.

I started to learn English because I want to be more perfect when I'm with you, forget about the distance between us, ignore all the problems among us. That message, I can complete it right now, but you never reply me again. Never ever. Maybe you don't belong to my world but I still can't accept the truth that you refused to reply me and you just leave me bearing all the pain alone without leaving a single message.

I yearn to got you and stay beside me, not leaving me again.

Hahahhhahahahahah it's just a sweet sweet dream, even I don't feel like wanna to wake up.

The truth is too painful too hard for me to realize, understand and accept it.

Funny huh, how could you be so emotional for a guy that you never know about him?

THIS IS FATE. WE CAN'T CHANGE THE FATE NO MATTER HOW STRONG THE FEELING IT IS. EVEN THE GOD.

But I do really ( love )? you, JXXX.

You're so gentleman enough and make me wanna punch myself so hard. 

I hate myself so much , how could I hurt myself ? Didn't I had promised to myself that never being hurt from anyone again?

Everything happens for a good reason. I believe that but the process to let go someone is too suffering. OH GOSH.

Well, this is my feeling for today and for the past. After complaining, I'll love him as fuck as always.

Dear Goddess of Love and Beauty, APRHODITE, do bless me and I really need your blessing.

GOOD NIGHT.

LOVE, VELENNA TEOH

DEAR FRIEND

Oh dear, honestly I never expect that I'll spend my lovely Saturday with this bitch, EVA HING.

I thought I'll lay on my bed, reading ma book and keep wasting time, though sticking around with you was the same. Ya I mean wasting time.

Talking nonsense and chit-chat with you is the most sweetest thing in my life.

The more we stick together, the more I scare I won't be able to get used when you're not around me.

I've been thought a lot, can we still stick together when we graduated?

Where do you choose to continue your studies?

How will be my life if I can't meet or talk to you always?

How about if I want to shit but I can't then I want to phone you? Am I disturbing you?

12-year friendship, how difficult it is if we really separated?

Well, I'm not a lesbian but I really need you too. 

Too much of promises between us and we have to work harder to achieve our life goals.

We have to accompany each other to our idol's concert, going to Korea and wearing the same outfit and maybe having some plastic surgery hahahha, you said you wish to go South Africa and I want to go to all the historical countries I want to go all the places that Rick Riordan had mentioned before, and if I become a conductor and you have to attend my first orchestra concert. And the most important is, we have to protect our friendship as hell, nothing can separate us.

EVA HING, the most important friend. Every time I talk to you, I don't feel like I'm bearing all the things alone, I feel something have released kinda warmth in my deep deep heart.

And every time I can know more about you, I feel like oh gosh I'm the most lucky person in the world because I can know and started to understand all the decisions and things that you do.

For once, I love to control people around us, if they don't obey what I WANT them to do, I feel uneasy and ' beh siok '. 

Being friend with you I really learned a lot of stuff, no forcing or pushing people to do what they don't want.

And if you want to do so, be ready that they will leave you forever.

Thank you, short and stupid girl. Sincerely.

LOVE, VELENNA TEOH

10 / 1 / 2015

Hey guys, it's a boring post again. 

My eyes are swollen, crying too much after watching that super-nice movie, ' GRAVE OF FIREFLIES '

Yup, I would like to have the golden opportunity to recommend this movie to all of you, I bet you'll cry. Because my mom and I had cried. LOL ( ya, maybe it doesn't mean that everyone will, but it is really super touched. You have to watch it )

I have nothing to say since I always repeated the same thing. But I'm seriously BORING.

I can't watch horror movie alone or else I'll get crazy and always have the weird dreams. ( Maybe I'm a DEMIGOD?!!! )

As you know, demigods always have weird dreams. LOL ya, you don't know.

And with the dreams you can find a lot of clues to defeat monsters, giants and GAIA!

Talking nonsense again,  zz ( PLEASE IGNORE IF YOU WANT. GEEZ ) 

( Percy and Annabeth had fallen into TARTARUS and now they are with BOB THE TITAN walking around to find THE LADY, which can use the mist to cover their sense from the monsters and find THE DOOR OF DEATH. The Door of Death had guarded by the sides of GAIA and if they wanted to avoid the monsters and the giants rising from the Tartarus they had to make sure that two sides had to be closed. In mortal world was at EPIRUS, THE HOUSE OF HADES while the other one was at Tartarus, that's why Percy and Annabeth had to find the door of death, that makes sense right? If you're curious about why did Percy and Annabeth had fallen to Tartarus, OH, you have to read in from THE MARK OF ATHENA. Annabeth had to complete her quest ALONE without Percy to find a human-like spider, named ARACHNE ( A weaver who claimed to have skills superior to Athena's. This angered the goddess, who destroyed Arachne's tapestry and loom. Arachne hung herself, and Athena brought back her life as a spider ). To complete her quest, she tricked Arachne and finally that monster spider trapped herself in her own cobweb. PS : Athena's children don't like spider, they scare to death about spider since Athena cursed Arachne into spider, spiders love to scare the goddess' children. And about the ARGO II, they had defeated the son of POSEIDON,named SCIRON which has a pair of nasty, disgusting feet and Hazel successfully used her magic- the mist to trick SCIRON and his giant turtle which slammed the ARGO II's oars into pieces and LEO really need some time to repair it. And now, they're heading to EPIRUS to find THE DOOR OF DEATH and to close them with the strength by two sides.  .......... )

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA ANNOY YA?

Well, I found that I really have the talent to write summary though, LOL. 

Hey, I don't refer to the books, I can memorize it! Every demigods can! LOL

And even today I dreamed about the TARTARUS. 

Okay, stop talking about books. But I love BOOKS! SMASH THAT GUY! KILL'EM! ( possessed by COACH HEDGE )

If our exam is test all about GREEK GODS, well, I think at least I can pass.

Unfortunately, this will never happen in our lives. 

Well, this post will gonna be my FAVE post. I used to talk about PERCY JACKSON but among you all, there's no one loves PERCY JACKSON, we can't have the same topic to discuss about. SAD CASE. 

It's nice weather today, try to have some outdoor games with your loved.

We don't have much time to play, one more day left and we're gonna go to school. 

Relax, and please be crazy while you still able to play it.

And don't forget, do feel grateful and appreciate your life and people around us, they don't deserve to treat us like a king.

HAVE A NICE DAY, MY LOVED.

LOVE, VELENNA TEOH

8 / 1 / 2015

BEFORE I MEET A REAL GUY, I THINK THAT I'LL LOVE HIM UNTIL FOREVER ON THIS MOMENT.
SORRY EVA HING FOR NOT LISTENING YOUR OPINION, BUT IT'S TOO HARD TO ME TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY CHANCES TO BE WITH HIM ANYMORE.
ALTHOUGH IT SUFFERS ME A LOT AND IT'S SUCH A SILLY ACTION, I ALWAYS WILLING TO LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
AND I'LL TRY MY EFFORT TO STOP COMPLAINING TO YOU.
I KNOW YOU'RE SICK OF IT.
SORRY FOR ALWAYS DISTURBING YOU MY DEAR FRIEND.

LOVE, VELENNA TEOH

8 / 1 / 2015

( FEEL EXCITED )

For what? NOTHING.

As I said in the previous post, I really need some medium to release my negative feelings.

These days I was suffered from stress. 

Reading can't really help you to release your stress, it just helps to calm your mind and if you didn't read it, that fucking feelings are coming back to haunt you.

I can't really cry or shout it loud because I don't want to get my mom attention and let her worries about me. ( good girl )

But there is one fact about reading is

BOOK IS ADDICTIVE

You can't stop reading after you open the first page. There's something is convincing you like: HEY JUST READ ME. I'M GOOD FOR READING. DON'T SLEEP! IT'S JUST A FEW PAGES AND YOU'RE GOING TO FINISH THE WHOLE CHAPTER. HEY, DON'T SLEEP, THERE ARE ONLY A FEW CHAPTERS AND YOU'RE GOING TO FINISH THE BOOK!

Fuck the book. But I love that kind of feeling. Kind of satisfied. 

I don't really love reading, depends on the book. LOL

Okay, just assume that I love reading. 

I don't really like to discuss about friendship because I know that even if I do, nobody cares about it. ( Annabeth : hey Polyphemus, I'm nobody!    Well, inside joke. )

Your ignorance make me feel like is it fair to me?

I care it, hold it, protect it as hell and whenever I wanted to discuss it and everybody gives me a I-DON'T-CARE LOOK.

WELL, WELL.

Rather than complaining a lot. I choose to be a normal, happy and insane girl.

Because I know that no one loves to hear you complaining a lot.

Trying not to care so much, love so much and tell yourself

WHO THE FUCKING ONE I SUPPOSE TO CARE ABOUT?

VELENNA TEOH