17/3/2021

 I definitely need an update for my big day. It was a special one because this year I spent my whole day on lessons. From morning 10 till night 9.30. It was fruitful and satisfying. 

I had nightmare before this semester starts because as I always say, every Wednesday I am closer to God. Because I only have 2 hours break in between and it was exhausting. Needless to say that I have Dr Lee's class. (Don't get me wrong okay, I love his teaching but 3 hours class is killing me)

Anyhow, I celebrated it on Tuesday night, right after another exhausting class (Sound Desgin 8-11pm!), Eva and Prashant bought me brownies and we did celebrate with CSC, Yeejing and WP on phone.

Not forget to mention that I had celebrated with my sis last friday on Kapitan, a very nice restaurant, famous with the steak; and I met Kang Xiang and Yee Jing after the dinner. I am showered with all your loveeeeeee. I am genuinely so happy.

I received a lot of birthday wishes and presents. Millions of thank you. (Bow)

Dear Me, (turn 23!)

    Well, I am happy for you and I am sure you feel the same way too. It is hard to describe the feeling of turning 23. It feels so unbelievable because the moment I recall, I was wearing school uniform, playing around with my friends. 

    I am going to graduate this year 2021, no matter how much I don't want to work and live like an adult, I know I have the responsibility and I need to grow up. Plans are planned; I know the Universe will lead me to where I belong so I just need to work hard.

    As you may recall, the night of 17/3 last year 2020, the day before first lockdown, you and Daniel went out for ice cream; it was a good one. I can barely remember the taste but I remember I was with him and it felt good. One year later, I am here now, more mature, confident, know myself even more, showered with love from family and friends, getting more job, more experience, still loving what I am doing, more conscious, a bit sick with my relationship thingy but I am all good. See! If I were to tell something to one year younger me, you should have left earlier; you should never settle for it because all the tears did not worth at all. You are much more stronger and resilient than you thought. 

    I am so proud of you, Hanpei. I am so fucking proud of you. All my friends and family, you got the credits. All the hands you guys reach out make me who I am today, and where I am today. Millions of Thank you and I just love you all. xoxo

11/3/2021

Another day of missing you. Life has been getting busier, new semester starts, new work and stuffs.

Went grocer today with my housemate and I suddenly opened our chat and I saw you updated your profile pic. I felt so complicated and couldn't react. I did not know why was I acting like that and I hate getting back to the swamp of negative thoughts. 

Thinking of you, wanting to share my life with you have been the new norm of me right now. I do not know why I am so obssessed with you, I don't.

Thinking of all the acts and words you have said do hurt me but these do not stop me from thinking of you.

I was talking to my junior last Monday, and I said it out unintentionally to him: Love is just getting hurt and hurting someone else, nothing much special. And he was like: I thought getting into relationship because you want to take care of someone and being taken care of?

Yeah Exactly! That was what I believed too! Didn't I?

I have never moved on. I am just getting used to it as days go by. 

Another emotional night, thoughts are messy. Good night.