21/8/2020

 I just realized something IMPORTANT!

I always feel my energy is drained after having lessons with my students, even though when there is one only. And I never understand why until I talked to my sister this evening.

I am acting all these while. Acting to be a nice teacher because I know how words play its role. Good and motivational words mean a lot to a person who is on the progress of learning; while bad and discourage words might make them feel worthless and look down on themselves.

It was so fortunate that I never met this kind of music teachers in my life, and I am genuinely happy about their progressions. I hope my actions and words will be the inspiration and motivation accompany them along the journey of learning.

However, I just realized that wearing a mask in different occasion and not genuinely be myself (positivity all the time!) is just exhausting. 

Damn exhausting. Every time I finish teaching them on Saturday morning, I just want to go home and sleep. I can't think of anything to do after I get a nap.

Anyhow, I love seeing them enjoy playing music. But always be the one you feel comfortable when you're with you. 

Goodnight, xoxo.

19/8/2020

 It is a brand new day, sitting beside the bed with my workout outfit. This is the 10th day of Pamela.

Was having a conversation with my coursemate last two days. Seeing her was good but the conversation made me think of, what we choose to surround with, which will be resulting as what we are eventually.

Have you ever thought of becoming someone you like in the future? Or someone has been a role model for you?

Ever imagine what type and kind of person you wannabe?

I am a person who loves gossips, and I would even surround myself in the ambience and created it if there wasn't any. And the older I've become, the sooner I realised that what's the point of keep discussing people when you yourself are not improving? Gossips about people be like, stop your own progress and just look at other people and discuss them, mostly bad.

Is that what you want?

I would not deny that she's a friend of mine, and I feel grateful and appreciate for having her. 

However, I just want to remind myself, remember who I want to be. 

Have a good day. xoxo

Recitalist Celebration Day

 Finally getting to celebrate me being chosen as Recitalist with Daniel!!

We were supposed to celebrate last weekend he went Genting with his friends. And I couldn't be more excited to celebrate with him because my coursemates all their families were celebrating so grandly with them and my family was like, "oh? Really ah? Good Good. Congratulation!" That's it.

So I was kinda down, feel like no one is genuinely proud of me, and I thought Daniel would.

Anyhow, today we were supposed to go KLCC Aquarium (As what Daniel planned), but recently both of us spent too much, and I don't want him to spend more on me when he's not that rich yet, hence, I told him I did not feel well this morning and why not we wait other days to celebrate, as well as to save money also.

This evening, after finishing the recital from Wee Yang, Daniel and I went to Korean restaurant as I wanted to try the Jjajangmyeon so much and we went to Starling mall to have a walk.

It went so well, but when we got off from the car, the moment we started to walk around the shops, he took out his phone and continued Pokemon Go. All the way, he was staring at the phone although listening to what I was talking. I felt so disrespectful and I decided to walk on my own. What's the purpose to have someone whom the heart is not here?

I thought it really went well for our celebration day, how naive I was to think that, he will tell me, "Baby, I'm so proud of you, Congratulations for your graduation recital!

Holding my hand, walk with me, having a nice conversation. That's all I need, as a partner. 

Why is it so hard?

PS: Baby, I'm so proud of you. Thank you for your hard work, your perseverance and your passion. I'm sorry if there was some time, I couldn't share your emotions, I blamed on you, I looked down on you and make you feel worthless. But I want you to super sure that, if there's anything happen, I'm on your back. And I know you will take good care of yourself. Love, xoxo.