1/10/2020

 2020 is like a blink of an eye, we are entering October, countdown to last three months.

I can't wait to celebrate Christmas, I can't wait to know when will the pandemic end, when will people be happy again.

2020 has been a very tough year to all of us, there are too many regrets and sadness in it. 

Are we able to welcome 2021 with our smiles? Well, we'll see.

I am feeling unreal, that time passes so fast. I am in a stressful condition recently, there are too many things going on and I am feeling complicated. Missing those old good times when we are able to talk and laugh, going shopping. I miss my friends, I miss doing nothing, just chill and relax. 

Dear last three months of 2020,

I hope everyone is healthy, happy and safe. Don't have to worry about food, shelter and filled with love. 

27/9/2020

 I have a terribly bad day today. I thought after I settle part of my stuff I would able to enjoy the free time just for a day, but I was wrong, apparently.

Have an argument with him, and I am so disappointed with how he behaves. And I keep telling myself to let go, focus on myself but I couldn't. It reaches the point that I was calming myself down outside and he just said to me that if I insist on wanting a boyfriend who can stay beside me when I am mad, I should get a new one. Even before that, I was kind of raising my voice to him but he ignored me and continue playing the game. 

It was very cool.

My heart sinks till the bottom of the abyss and I only keep crying.

Dear Me,

I wish you could give your heart to someone who can make whole effort and care. Along the journey of finding yourself and partner, I hope that you're courageous, bold, to love and to be loved. I don't want you to say negative words to yourself because you are not. I love you and I want you to do the same thing to me. xoxo.

11/9/2020 All those good things

I was offered to attend an online conducting workshop by Mr Eric, and the conductor was Mr Robert Ambrose. The work was by Holst, First Suite in Eb major.

I was so excited and nervous at the same time because I am so new to this and now I am going to be checked or commented by a maestro. Therefore, I asked for my lovely teacher Mr Lee for help. We did have a great session and he really did help me a lot. 

The first time with Mr Robert was a little bit boring to be honest because he was trying to explain why did Holst write this kinda music, which part to take note, the chords, harmony bla bla. 

The second time was a truly nervous one because we were gonna conduct it in front of everyone. (5 participants plus Mr Eric and Mr Robert) 

Mr Robert was kind enough not to give me bad comments, but focus on the good things, he asked to conduct the way he sang, follow the articulations, focus more on the musicality things instead of time beating. And I tried to absorb as much as I can. 

Yesterday was the last session for all of us, and I was the first to conduct because I knew I'd be nervous if I was arranged the last to conduct. Miraculously, Mr Robert complimented me, saying that I have improved so much within a few days, and he was impressed. I was thrilled at that time. 

Before the session ended, Mr Robert private messaged me that he would like to work with me as a conducting student! O!M!G!

I know right!!!!! How excited this can be!! We have a chat, I explained my situation to him, and he said: Don't worry about the charges. I will not charge you anything at all. The reason I want to work with you because I see so much potential in you as a conductor. O!M!G!

I am dying. Literally.

I myself, and for those who trust me and have faith in me, I promised that I will work harder. Will not disappoint you.