这几天我们吵了很多很多次的大架，从来没有那么愤怒和委屈的心情 可能压抑了一段时间终于爆发。
从我的角度是 我觉得自己被忽略了好一大段时间，一直以来期待有天会收到惊喜也因为没有收过而慢慢变成怨气。因为当我自己很多次的自己去完成自己想要做的事情和想吃的食物的时候都特别特别想要和他一起去分享 所以也开始觉得怨恨的为什么他从来没有带我去吃过。
自认为自己为他付出很多的 也持续强迫他做我想要的事情 而他做不到的时候我就会用我不满和生气的心情来情绪勒索他要完成。
自己一直钻牛角尖的再思考同样的事情 和争吵同样的事情。这样的性格让他觉得我很不成熟和幼稚 觉得我没有必要一直翻旧账 来断定他不会改变，他就是这样的人。
可是 当每次说下承诺又没有去完成，心情像过山车又期待开心而换来的都是失望和挫折，事情一次一次的发生，我可以忘掉以前的事情 然后在新的承诺又种下的时候 没有任何的质疑吗？因为我会质疑承诺 所以我不成熟。他是这样想的。
因为我不能体谅他从早忙到晚 连一封早安或者你吃了吗的信息都没有的时候，我发脾气。对他来说，我依然是幼稚。
对他来说 我就应该在他忙的时候 我不该有任何的小情绪，不应该闹脾气，而是体谅和包容他长期的，整天的，忽略我。
曾经的他说：你真的很不会爱自己。因为这句话我生气了他一天，因为他完完全全说出了我最害怕面对的事情。因为我的重心已经不在自己身上了。
可能吧，因为已经忘记怎样不要太在乎他 所以忘了怎样去自私一点的爱自己。所以也根本就忘了怎么爱一个人。因为自己想象中的爱情和现实不一样 所以就会把自己的想象尝试去改变，可是却忘记了改变一个人根本是不可能的，所以觉得自己不被爱。
这几天因为他的公司出了点事 所以这五天以来我的情绪 从来没有真正的去化解，需要自己慢慢的消化 老实说真的很辛苦。我很害怕哪一天我可以很冷静和冷淡的 不会有任何情绪 就是我真的放下的时候。
因为任然觉得自己很委屈，所以暂时的我还是没有办法站在他的角度去思考。很抱歉。
2019年1月10日星期四
2019年1月5日星期六
DAY 121
I think my PMS is coming that’s why i feel so frustrated and angry with everything.
Or is it because I’ve been hiding my own feelings deep down just to reduce a lot of arguments?
Or is it truly because I’ve been giving in too much until no one appreciates?
It has been almost third month spending time here at Ampang with the very nice view, comfort and high standard place. Which I’m really grateful about it compares to my hostel.
And the most importantly is I’m able to spend a lot of time with chicken, which I’ve been expecting this life for quite some time.
But, staying together sometimes is not as easy as you think at all. There are so many differences in living lifestyle, personal habits and hygiene.
Been playing a role as housewife tho, cooking, cleaning and waiting chicken to come back when I’m here. Everything seems so perfectly perfect. But is it because I’ve done too much and not being appreciated?
Food i wanted to eat, places i wanted to go. All is by myself.
Or is it because I’ve been hiding my own feelings deep down just to reduce a lot of arguments?
Or is it truly because I’ve been giving in too much until no one appreciates?
It has been almost third month spending time here at Ampang with the very nice view, comfort and high standard place. Which I’m really grateful about it compares to my hostel.
And the most importantly is I’m able to spend a lot of time with chicken, which I’ve been expecting this life for quite some time.
But, staying together sometimes is not as easy as you think at all. There are so many differences in living lifestyle, personal habits and hygiene.
Been playing a role as housewife tho, cooking, cleaning and waiting chicken to come back when I’m here. Everything seems so perfectly perfect. But is it because I’ve done too much and not being appreciated?
Food i wanted to eat, places i wanted to go. All is by myself.
2019年1月2日星期三
DAY 118
Struggling with my last paper, TITAS and finally I'm done!
Been spending sweet time with my chicken, although we stayed at home most of the time, it was definitely worthwhile.
2018 has been a lot of surprises and nightmares for me, and us. But what is truly blessed is, I gain so much of love. Family, friendships, and Daniel.
I got sick for few times too, and those times he was by my side, not to mention my mom who had been worrying for me for days.
I've been showering of love throughout 2018. With those ups and downs, I grow stronger and better.
Been spending sweet time with my chicken, although we stayed at home most of the time, it was definitely worthwhile.
2018 has been a lot of surprises and nightmares for me, and us. But what is truly blessed is, I gain so much of love. Family, friendships, and Daniel.
I got sick for few times too, and those times he was by my side, not to mention my mom who had been worrying for me for days.
I've been showering of love throughout 2018. With those ups and downs, I grow stronger and better.