Stressful weeks

It has been hectic weeks for me and the stress is getting more and more.
All the due dates are in the same week give me no chill time at all.
Partly I am enjoying the busyness, but my mentally cannot cope with it. Having high expectation of myself makes me almost suffocate, at the cliff of a big breakdown.
The stress is making me emotionally unstable which I am not purposely hurt people around me, but I regret most of the time after raising my voice.
There is no way for me to release my stress at all and it is making me even more stressful.
I feel useless and shameful most of the time because things i plan do not go the way I wanted it to be.
And CHICKEN! still wants me to massage after I am so tired tired tired. Shouldn't you come and help me massage?

Having some issues with a very closed friend of mine, at least i treat him as my real friend.
But seems like he is not, trying to keep distance from me after I had a little breakdown with him.
And that's not what we call friend right? I thought a real friend is someone beside you when you need them the most?
But I am not interested with what he is thinking. It's okay to let people exit from my life, people come and go.
When the timing is right, everything seems perfectly fine. But although sometimes it's not, I'm still okay with it.
I know there are a lot of people love as well.
To be frank, it hurts me a little bit when seeing people leave without a proper goodbye.
Anyhow, focus on myself, that's the important thing I should do.

See, I am overthinking again. But that's me isn't it?

16/10/2019

It has been hectic months for me since semester 3 started. A lot of performances and workshops, classes, songs that are going on which I enjoy a lot.

But thankfully I have the chance to sit down and write my blog, able to do some prep first before going to english lesson later. 

Been stressed up on my work, not about the workload, but the salary. Was desperate in looking for the pay that I'm satisfied with. I definitely need the money to cover up my private lesson that I'm passionate about.

At the same time I am so angry with myself for agreeing the pay at the very first, all is because myself. But I need to release my anger and stress somewhere, which I cant really tell a lot to Daniel as he will think I'm not mature enough and he has been repeating the same thing to me all the time. But what i want is not the lecture, I know what i should keep in mind and i just need someone to soothe my emotion at the moment, but i dont dare to request. Because i am not mature enough. 

Being angry with myself all the time because i keep making wrong decisions. But i read a quote, it said: Do something that makes you proud of your own decision, even it was wrong in the beginning. 

Trying to cope with my own emotions first, which is the first thing that I have to do it. 

PS: In case you dont know, chicken, i keep all your words in my mind, and i am working on it, maybe it is slow, but i am. Dont lose hope on me, I am doing my best to grow up. :(