1/2/2020

Just having drinks with my old friends, with that super damn disgusting yogurt drinks.
But it was a good outing, we talked and laughed a lot.
I had a good movie today, The Devil wears Prada.

Just had a small conversation with Daniel, telling him that I'm kind of stress to coach the string ensemble as they are having 10th anniversary concert in June, which is about 400 audiences.
He told me, never use your emotional to judge things and don't let your fear controls you.
Think of what you can do and just do it.

Just come across with a quote: The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself; I am not what happened to me. I am who I choose to become.

I chose this path, I wanted it to happen. I wanted to improve my playing in violin, I wanted to coach an ensemble, I wanted to get flute exam, I wanted to buy viola and play it in KLPAC. I wanted to learn as much as possible so that I can be better than anyone else, so that I have lesser chance to beg people, so that I am capable to accept any opportunity that anyone else can't.

I want to excel in music industry but I never do my best in everything. I am not honest to myself.
I treat every performance opportunity like a gamble. I treated it like I am lucky not to screw it up.
I am not transparent to myself.

I look down on those people who complain about sleeping during exam week, never study well in exam, but never had i thought, I am one of them.

Sometimes I question myself, is that worth for?
People with not that much education are living better than me, is that worth for me to work like that?
But never had i thought, no one is the same. I am not anyone, I have my dream to catch, I have my path to go.